a letter to you

Maybe this is the last time I go to your home, or not maybe, just it. Still remember the first time we were together, remember walking down the road holding hands and worrying any acquaintance would see us, remember of our first time, remember the farewell kiss...

Things changed since I came back from Europe, of course. I thought I became more clear about what I am doing now and what I feel like life would be, until I came back home the exact day I went back. Everything is so familiar, as if nothing has changed, everything is still there. But I am wrong. Everything has been changed, including me, perhaps. Everything seems not quite chaos any more except when I am with you. I couldn't act very well in front of you, nor I couldn't be sure what I want from you, nor I couldn't know what is the right things that I can do for you. So I think it is better to start my feeling about you again, or at least from stopping intervene your life. It is better this way. For both of us. And of course I will wish you happiness and a wonderful life.

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Changing is always an Augean task to achieve. And the problem I couldn't make one by myself is because I always think too much and hope too high. This time I have to make a little change at one time. And the first one is to think or write or use English more. Just always think about how to say these words in English before I speak or after. Hope this could help me little at least.

One thing I learn this time is that I cannot live my life here, and this way, especially in the place that is seemingly good for your future, generously giving me money, or offering tough work to do. It's just not worth to spend my only life like this. As some one said, tough work or hardworking makes people numb, just like laziness does. Numb about living, about feeling things, Still don't know what should I do in my life, but one thing I know for sure shouldn't do is too make myself NUMB. I like to be energetic and enthusiastic about things. And I know I have to keep my energy full tank all the time, only by this I might being able to find my purpose of living my life.